Before You Start: Who's Your Healing Tribe?

One of the most important parts of preparing for cancer treatment is building your circle of support – trust me on this one. We often think about the medical side of cancer – specialists, test results, scans and schedules – and open our lives and trust up completely to this, but just as critical is the team you assemble around you for emotional, mental, spiritual, and day-to-day support.

Kevin and his best friend Roy.

Kevin and 2 of our girls, with a best friend.

Kevin and 2 of our 3 girls.

This was something we learned early. Kevin’s diagnosis came in like a storm, and once the whirlwind of appointments began, we realized very quickly that we couldn’t do this alone. And I don't think we were meant to.

We actually approached things slowly, even though the medical team was pushing for Kevin to make decisions on his care and next steps. We felt we were being engulfed by a big machine (which it is) and we were just not feeling adequately supported emotionally to proceed – at least not until Kevin felt it was time to.

We needed to get our ducks in order, so to speak, and I think it's crucial to feeling "ready" – as ready as you'll be able to get, anyway... You need to act quickly, sure, but you also don't need to jump into the 'medical system machine' without a support system because, believe me when I say this:

The medical system is only one of the choices you have – not the be-all choice for everyone. If you're going to get through this, you will need to think about a lot more than the mainstream radiation/chemo to get through it, and you'll need your support system in place.

Why support matters

Cancer is exhausting, not just for the person going through it, but for the entire household. It takes energy, clarity, and a lot of freakin' resilience. I can honestly say now that I had no idea what it meant when someone shares their loved one has been told they have cancer. NO FUKIN' IDEA.

If you've never gone through it yourself, or if someone near you has never gone through it, then you have no idea either. And the reality of it can hit you like a ton of bricks.

You need people in your life who can help you carry the emotional and physical weight. This isn’t about being dependent – it’s about letting yourself be held, even if just a little, so you can focus on healing.

The stress of "doing it all" can sabotage your nervous system and overwhelm your healing capacity. That’s why it’s essential to intentionally choose who surrounds you, and to let go of the idea that asking for help is a weakness.

Repeat this over and over: Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.

Who belongs in your support team?

Your team doesn’t need to be big, but it needs to be strong. Here are some of the types of support you may want to include:

1. Your Core People

These are the people closest to you who will be present, available, and reliable. For us, this meant a few close family members, our girls, and a couple of friends we trusted deeply.

These are the people who will:

• Listen when you're overwhelmed

• Drive or come with you to appointments or treatments

• Help with meals, errands, groceries, or childcare

• Just sit with you in silence if that’s what you need

Not everyone is equipped to offer this kind of support – and that’s okay. You’re not here to convince anyone to show up for you. You’re here to build a circle of people who want to show up, and who will do it with compassion, not obligation.

2. Your Practitioners

These are your care providers – both conventional and holistic. In our case, this included:

• The oncologist and radiation team. Kevin went to 2 different hospitals until he felt supported by the right ones for him. Don't fear doing the same – getting second opinions, speaking to different teams, visiting different hospitals, etc. They will probably tell you not to waste your time and that your life is on the line so just "do it now" – but remember that this is your journey, your body, and the body wants to heal, so don't fear doing your due diligence when it comes to it because making decisions out of fear does more harm than good. Finding the right team can make all the difference in the long run. 
  

• Our cancer-focused naturopath. I would personally not recommend anyone go through cancer treatments without a cancer naturopath! Ours has been, and continues to be, an incredible fountain of support and knowledge, often times during the weekend through emails and phone calls, answering questions and providing sources and calm. Find one please.
  

• A holistic nutritionist (I had the advantage of being one). Food is a huge part of healing the body – it's what the body will use as fuel to create new healthy cells! So find a reputable holistic nutritionist that focuses on cancer and possibly one that works alongside your cancer naturopath. You will be so glad you did! Your body cannot heal by ingesting shitty protein shakes from the corner store or by feeding it cola drinks and sweets. Get the right advice NOW.
  

• Reiki and energy healers. And acupuncturists. And massage therapists. Find them now, meet them, chat with them, and you will be surprised at the amount of work they've done with cancer patients and the positive results they've seen! Again, this is a healing process and you need all the help you can get! 
  

• A general practitioner who respected our choices. We were very thankful that our family doctor was also excited to learn about our integrative choices (at least the ones we openly told her about), because integrative care is practiced and accepted globally (except for here in Canada!). 

If you can, find practitioners who are not only qualified, but kind; who take the time to talk, not rush; who honour your voice and treat you like they'd treat their own family member, not a case number.

3. Your Emotional and Spiritual Anchors

For Kevin, this included our energy healer friend Lisbeth, as well as practices like meditation, Qi-Gong, and being outdoors in nature – which may sound hocus-pokus but it WORKS.

You might also consider:

• A therapist or cancer coach

• A pastor, elder, or spiritual guide

• A meditation group or community circle (like ours!)

• Supportive books, podcasts, or online communities

4. Your Informational Allies

There is so much information to take in – from treatment options to supplements to insurance details... having one or two people in your life who can help you process or organize it all is a gift!

In our case, I took this on, because I felt confident in research. I created folders, binders, and calendars. I handled a lot of the communications with our care providers. If that’s not your strength, consider asking a family member or close friend to help.

It’s also helpful to connect with others who’ve gone through cancer, because their insight can be invaluable, and they’ll understand things that others just can’t.

How to ask for help (and actually accept it)

This one is tough for many of us. We’re conditioned to believe that "independence is a virtue" and that leaning on others is somehow a failure. But when cancer enters your life, it becomes clear that healing is definitely not a solo mission.

As soon as Kevin was diagnosed, we told all our family members, neighbours, close friends, working connections. We posted it on our (private) social media, kept it all positive, and asked for support. What happened? We were flooded with support in many different colours. Some people shipped and shared books, contacts, advice, or just hugs (which we just appreciated so much!).

Some people were immediately saddened, but we told them straight away that the best way to help was to keep positive, pray if that was their thing, send good vibes, whatever to stay in the white light of things.

So then, when you ask for help, try to:

• Be specific. People want to help but often don’t know how. Say, "Can you bring dinner next Wednesday?" or "Would you be able to pick up some groceries this weekend?" Wouldn't you jump at the chance to help someone who asked you this? I know I would!

• Set expectations. If you only need help for a few weeks or for one area, let them know. People are more willing to say yes when there’s clarity.

• Let them say no. Not everyone can or will show up. Don’t take it personally. Move forward and focus on the ones who do.

We also found that starting a weekly family update email was helpful. It kept everyone informed and gave us a space to ask for help when needed – without having to repeat ourselves over and over.

We knew Kevin was going to be going to the hospital every single day (Monday to Friday) by GO train, and that this would go on for 5-6 weeks. We also knew that I would most-likely be exhausted and would want to prepare things for when he got home, so I asked a few family members and friends to go on the trip to the hospital with him. IT WAS AMAZING because it gave him something to look forward to, and it would help me do (whatever... fill in the blank!). I highly recommend this to everyone! It also gave Kevin something to look forward to, because he was going to be spending time with someone other than me, and that was a nuance he welcomed.

Protecting your energy from negativity

Equally important to assembling a support team is recognizing when someone does not belong in that circle.

Some people, no matter how close they are to you, bring stress, fear, or drama; that doesn’t make them bad people, but during cancer treatment, your energy is sacred and you must protect it.

If someone constantly brings up worst-case scenarios, bombards you with unsolicited advice, or makes you feel guilty for how you’re handling things – it’s okay to step back.

We had a neighbour who, every time we saw them, cried and would launch into stories about who had died of cancer or what horrors they’d heard about treatments. We eventually had to create space and avoid that interaction; it was just too much! And we didn’t owe anyone an explanation.

You have every right to put your peace first.

Creating daily rhythms that support healing

Once we had a strong support team in place, we turned our focus to daily routines. Life felt chaotic in the early days, and we knew we needed structure – not strict schedules, but grounding rhythms to help us stay centered.

Here’s what our healing days looked like:

• Mornings began slowly. We made warm tea, took our supplements, and spent time in quiet reflection. Kevin would often do 15–20 minutes of Qi-Gong or stretching. We made sure the mornings felt calm, not rushed. We kept appointments to later-mornings or mid-day, so we could have this special time to ease into the day.

  
  

• Mid-mornings were for nourishment. Juicing became our sacred ritual. I prepped fresh greens and herbs to make vibrant, cleansing juices. Then we’d prepare an easy plant-based breakfast.

  
  

• Afternoons were our activity window. We scheduled appointments, went for walks, prepared meals, and handled any phone calls or errands. But we didn’t overbook. If Kevin felt tired, we rested (notice how I said "WE" because as the main caregiver it's equally important to rest!)

  
  

• Evenings were for slowing down. We watched uplifting shows, talked, and chilled. Comedy shows and light movies keep the brain smiling :)

  
  

• Sleep was sacred. We protected sleep like it was medicine – because it is. I am an awful sleeper, but Kevin is not and his sleep was even more important now than ever. I actually turned down the bed for him and tucked him in, got him water and tissue boxes, rubbed some lotion on his neck, snuggled, and said positive calming words. It became incredibly important for us to stay positive and say it over and over.

"You're doing great. You got through today. Leave the world aside for now – don't think about tomorrow. Your body is healing, and we got this! Just sleep: that's the only thing you need to focus on... that's when your body heals. Sleep..."

These routines weren’t perfect, and they didn’t happen every day. But they gave us a sense of rhythm and control in a time when everything else felt unknown.

They also reminded us that healing isn’t just about the big moments – it’s in the tiny, repeated acts of self-care and nourishment.

You don’t have to do this alone – and you shouldn’t.

Assembling your support team is one of the most empowering and important steps you can take when preparing for cancer treatment. Choose your people carefully; lean into those who lift you; step back from those who drain you... and create rhythms in your day that feel healing, comforting, and safe.

There is power in asking for help, and there is healing in being held – even just a little – by those who love you.